At least, that's how I feel often lately. When I was in my first year of college, I was an Equine Science major. During my 2nd semester, I was taking a huntseat equitation class and while cantering around the arena, I leaned too far back and fell off. I landed on my side with my arm entirely under me. I went to the ER and x-rays were taken of my wrist, because that's all that hurt at that time. To this day, I still don't understand why they didn't examine my entire arm, given how I landed, but they didn't. So, after spending 6 weeks in an elbow-to-wrist cast, it was removed by my doctor and that was it. No follow-up x-ray to make sure it had healed correctly, nothing. About 10 years later I was at the police station for a meeting (I was a police volunteer) when I suddenly had a shooting pain in that arm. I went to the doctor a few days later and discovered a piece of bone broke off my wrist on the pinky side (the main break was on the thumb side). There wasn't much they could do about it and the Physician Assistant told me to keep wearing the brace I'd bought and maybe physical therapy.
That was 1989. Fast forward to March 2013. Over the years, my shoulder would sort of fall out of joint. Not really dislocate, but it would kind of pop out temporarily. Anyway, last month I got up from my desk at work and my shoulder screamed in pain and my entire arm was a mass of tingle-ies. I went to my doctor who ordered x-rays and was told it was "degenerative changes"...aka arthritis. She gave me pain killers and referred me to a hand specialist to make sure the tingling in my fingers wasn't due to carpal tunnel syndrome. Fine. She also told me to start taking Vitamin D because I was severely lacking. Fine. I did that and within a couple of days my tingling in my fingers went away and the pain in my shoulder subsided. Which brings us to the purpose of this post. The pain in my shoulder subsided for almost a month, but it resumed last week and with a vengeance. The pain pills aren't working. The ones I got for arthritis aren't working. I can't sleep through the night, even with the help of extra strength sleep aids. I go back and forth between sleeping in my desk chair, which is the only thing that seems to bring me enough comfort to get any sleep. I'll wake up in the middle of the night in my chair and not be any pain so I'll move to my bed, only to not be able to fall back to sleep. Gravity seems to be a big culprit. Gravity and pressure so that takes care of sleeping on both sides. Sleeping on my back results in cats on my chest and occasional snoring. I feel like I can't win. I don't want to keep complaining to my family and friends about my pain. I take Vicodin at least 2 times a day and arthritis pills in between. I worry what I'm doing to my organs. Today, my arm feels like I'm being electrocuted. Like currents of electricity are being zapped through my arm, but the pain isn't quite as bad. I also feel sick and a little dizzy. Yesterday I had to fax something to my doctor and told her what was going on and asked her to prescribe something strong than Vicodin for my shoulder. If she doesn't, I feel I will be forced to find a new doctor. But I don't know how much longer I can go with this pain. I want to gnaw my arm off and beat myself with it. I'm saddened, though, that something I enjoy doing so much is the cause of this pain. Oddly enough, though, as soon as I'm able to, I will ride again. hahaha.
Anyway, I just wanted to complain here so my friends don't have to constantly read about it on Facebook or the model horse website I visit often. Please, oh please, Dr O-G! Please give me something stronger than Vicodin. PLEASE!
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